Prose – Dominus Temporis

The Definite Music Guide

We meet again my fellow friends, bloggers, and random people visiting this website (Don’t think about it). I am sure we have both had our numerous and spontaneous meetings with adventure, like when a person is informed they have jury duty. Ahhhh, the surprise and joy of it all! For if I know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve, then I am sure you all have had some wonderous adventures since our last parting. I am sure you all have had exploits involving great mounds of treasure, rescuing D.I.D.’s, enjoying luscious golden manes of hair and fighting villainous paper topics.

But before I hear all the delicious and moist details of those tales and travels, please allow me the quick pleasure of explaining of mine. My recent adventure has reconciled myself and one of my oldest foes, classical music! Yes, I know the horror must be immense to the vast majority of readers who read the previous line but now I will regrettably increase it tenfold with the following statement. Classical Music and I have become allies,and started down the road towards friendship!

Where did this sudden develop begin one may ask? The answer springs from a need for non-distracting music in the background while studying in a spacious lounge with companions and Ethureans. The little music on my companion’s computers, as well as mine was quickly used up within the first day of our new study location. Hence, I searched and found out I could check out classical music from the music department. Callooh, Callay! What a joyous day, at least it was up until I actually dived deep into the classical music pool. Where I then proceeded to quickly drown like a rock thrown into a pond, an extremely deep chasmic pond. I was drowning from not knowing where to begin, what to listen to, and even being able to spell Tchaikovsky’s name! Luckily, a musically inclined friend of mine by the name of Joe Giallombardo gave to me the following guide as the life-preserver to the tumultuous waters and understand the world of classical music, which I now present to all of you to enjoy!

Again, I give Joe Giallombardo my great thanks for giving me his guide! Without further adue, I give this wonderous guide to you.~

THE DEFINITIVE MUSIC GUIDE (may be expanded later)

By Joe Giallombardo

This is an attempt to make the Definitive guide to what is commonly referred to as Classical music. Basically, its a list of the greatest music written during this time, accompanied by technical, historical, and philosophical explanations for what you’re hearing. Its grouped by composer, and the composers are chronologically ordered. These, in turn, are grouped into the three major periods of musical history from this time: Baroque, Classical, and Romantic.

And here we go:

Music has been around forever, but it wasn’t always viewed as a form of art. It was always voice-based in ancient, Medieval, and Renaissance times. Music was used for religious means, not always available to the public. One important exception was in the school of the Pythagoreans in old Greece, who saw a metaphysical connection between music and physical reality. Basically, they thought that certain natural phenomena reflected the mathematical proportions on which a musical chord is based, like the movement of the stars and planets, or the changing seasons.

Different forms of art peaked at different time. Visual art (painting, sculpting) came into its own first, during the Renaissance with Michelangelo, Da Vinci, and Raphaelo. This was the first time that people realized that art could be used in the secular world and still be used to give glory to God. They realized that beauty could point to God without being an actual prayer “per se.”

This train of thought hit the musical world a couple hundred years later, and that’s where we begin! Most of the music here is instrumental and secular, but there is also some sacred music as well. While I do put them into a time period, the music here is immortal and expresses such deep mystery that it is impossible and unfair to completely categorize each of them.

BAROQUE (1600 – 1750)

Pachelbel

The fusion of divine mystery with popular art in music began with Pachelbel. Pachelbel wrote a lot of music, but most of it was nothing new. His Canon in D (which you know and love) was a bit of a “one hit wonder.” To my knowledge, it was the first piece of music that became immediately famous and popular across the western world.

Canon in D
(This version is with the original instruments they would have used at the time.)

The Baroque Period was heralded in by the invention of “polyphony and counterpoint.” This simply means that two different musical progressions are going on at the same time, that, while independent, flow harmoniously when played together. In this idea of different sounds combining to make layered music is the germ of all great music to come.

Pachelbel lived with the Bach family, who were famous for being great organ players. He tutored Charles Bach in music, and when he went to his wedding towards the end of his life, he met Charles’ young nephew, Johann Sebastian Bach. Pachelbel took a liking to the kid and the young Bach was fascinated with the well known composer.

(There will be much more music than text from this point on!)

J.S. Bach

Bach was the first great giant of the musical world. He mainly specialized in writing impressive solo pieces. See if you can notice the common things he does in all of his music. More about what he brought to the Baroque Period later.

Here’s the prelude to his Cello Suit I. Notice the perfect, peaceful precision of order: Prelude to Cello Suit I
Toccata and Fugue. Two pieces that go together. Very famous. Toccata literally means “show me”; this piece is made to show off the organists skills. Actually pay attention to the video here, too. Its really cool to see what he does with the organ: Toccata and Fugue
Suit No. 3 “Air”

Bach set a lot of trends. In Baroque music, the composer focused on one musical idea and focused on it solely throughout the piece. The allegros (faster moving pieces) are characterized by constantly moving different strands of music, equal in prominence. They had less instruments to work with (for example, the piano wasn’t yet invented) and music was very string or brass wind heavy. Listen for these things more obviously in the next composer.

George Friedrich Handel

Handel composed in England, though of German descent. (For a long time, most great composers were Germanic or Italian.) Handel composed for the English royalty, which gives a very regal flair to his work. A big recurring devise in his work is reflecting and repeating the same progression of notes, and layering them together.

Allegro from Water Music
From the Messiah:

Even though the Messiah is choral, there is an emphasis on the music rather than words. There are a few words repeated, and the song is a musical exploration of the meaning of the words. This is very different from the modern conception of lyrics, in which the music is made to showcase the words, rather than explore them.

Antonio Vivaldi

Vivaldi was the culmination of the early Italian school of music, which emphasized a vigor of passion and vibrancy of contrasting sounds. Nobody loved the violin more than Vivaldi; you’ll hear how string heavy his pieces are.

Vivaldi was a priest; however, because of terribly ill health, he was given allowance to withdraw from his priestly duties. While he was sick he began composing music to be played at the nearby orphanage.

Vivaldi’s music was innovative. He brightened the formal and rhythmic structure of the concerto, in which he looked for harmonic contrasts and innovative melodies and themes; many of his compositions are flamboyantly, almost playfully, exuberant

The Four Seasons

Spring
Summer
Autumn
Winter (Ignore the weird Venetian Carnival costumes, haha)

CLASSICAL PERIOD (1750 – 1830)

The Classical Period is where music really grew up. There were several major shifts. The first of these was away from pure polyphony (the idea of having equal and independent musical progressions playing at the same time). This was replaced by a series of intimately interwoven progressions of music which were layered beneath a dominant melody. There was a greater focus on chords and layers different types of sound and instruments. The piano was invented! (Yay!) New forms of music were invented.

There were two schools of music: the Germanic and Italian ones. The German’s focused on cohesiveness and order, while the Italians emphasized rigorous imagination. (Not surprising, if you know Germans and Italians!) Both schools were beginning to commingle in the royal court of Vienna, the music capital of the world. Josef Hydn had created the first symphony, and a new form was ready for exploration. This all created the perfect storm for…

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

Mozart was the Shakespeare of the musical world. Up until now, the great music had always belonged to the aristocracy. Mozart made music accessible to the common man, and the common man flocked to him. In order to earn enough money to work for himself (Mozart hated bosses), he toured across Europe, performing his own pieces while also conducting them. He massed a huge fan base, and became an international star. He thus combined pop culture phenomenon with enduring art.

He combined the imagination of the Italian school (where he was trained) with the form of the Germans, and created the pinnacle of the Classical form.

Mozart explored two new forms: the Symphony and the Concerto. A Concerto is a piece for a solo instrument which is accompanied by an orchestra. You know what a symphony is ;). He also wrote sonatas, operas, and serenades. Mozart’s music had more different instruments playing more different things at once than anyone before him. Critics said it was too many notes, too complicated; but Mozart knew better. He believed that music was there to express mysteries that words could not describe. The complexity lends itself to mystery. There is so much going on in a piece of Mozart’s music, that you could listen to one every day for the rest of your life, and notice something new every time. I’m not exaggerating!!!

He wrote 626 published works!

Well, here’s some of his best stuff. Notice the fusion of human passion, order, and at times, divine mystery.

Eine Kliene Nacktmusic (A little night music)
Piano Sonata 16 2nd mvt
Piano Sonata 16 3rd mvt
Symphony 25 (This one has had a big impact on my work.)
Overture, The Marriage of Figaro
Piano Concerto 20
Piano Concerto 21
Clarinet Concerto I
Piano Concerto 26 (Coronation)
Symphony 40
The glorious Symphony 41
Overture, Don Giovanni
Ave Verum Corpus. My personal favorite. Listen to this version first, and see if you can guess what the words mean, based on the music
- Now watch this video. The same song with the translation of the lyrics and corresponding pictures.
From the Requiem Mass, which he wrote on his own deathbed!

Mozart’s work was that of a young man. He was in bad health on and off in his life, and he died at the age of 35, in the middle of writing his Requiem Mass. Towards the end he became worried that he was dying and told his wife that this would be his own Requiem. He fell ill during the performance of an opera of his, and threw himself into the work of finishing the Requiem. Some say he worked so hard on the piece that he didn’t give himself the chance to recover. No one knows why he died. The most extravagant explanation was that he was poisoned by rival composer, Antonio Salieri, who wanted to claim the Requiem as his own. This is probably not true, although Salieri did have a nervous breakdown about the accusations of such and ended his life in a madhouse.

Ludwig van Beethoven

Beethoven is the hardest to classify, as he is the most truly unique composer of all time. Mozart represents mathematical perfection of order. Beethoven, while not as refined, expresses things which no one else has ever dared to try to express. As such, I call him an “existentialist musician.” He grew up listening to Mozart, and was deeply influenced by him. Then he famously went deaf, and it seemed that his career was over. He considered suicide, but instead removed himself from society and took what was basically an extended retreat by himself. He spent the time in deep prayer and artistic reflection.

He came back and immediately produced his 5th symphony, perhaps the most famous piece of music ever.

Beethoven had discovered that, while he was not able to hear, he could still feel music physically vibrate. He would put his hand in the side of a piano or other instruments to feel them resonate. It was on the resonating that he would base the rest of his work. This is why he thought of sounds that other hadn’t contemplated before. I think he is the second best composer of all time, just slightly behind Mozart.

Beethoven sparked the transition into the Romantic Period. He is not, however, a romantic composer. Rather, they would later try to emulate him.

Here’s his best stuff:

Symphony 5
Moonlight Sonata
Fur Elise
Piano Concerto 5
Symphony 9 Also the first choral symphony. Includes “Ode to Joy”!

Others in Classical Period:
Schubert: Ave Maria
Haydn: Trumpet Concerto

ROMANTIC PERIOD

Given the changes of European culture and the popularity of Beethoven, composers shifted their focus from order and form to emotion. They favored more simple tunes that were hummable, creating an acute expressions of man’s passions. While they were very passionate indeed, they were also often more one dimensional then Classical pieces. The Romantic music turned one in on himself, increases your emotions. The Classical music makes you forget about yourself, and get caught up in something grander, older, universal. Luckily, however, there were some Romantic composers who were able to retain a level of deep complexity to their work while transitioning into this “emotions first” period. Here are the very best of them:

Also, composers began to experiment with increasingly dissonant and unusual chords in search of newer sounds and greater contrast. The two best at this were Tchaikovsky and Chopin.

Another change is that composers increasingly wrote about particular things as subject matter, like scenes from literature of famous plays, or a particular storyline. Music became more cinematic, focusing on conveying a specific image. Music came more “down to earth.” This makes Romantic music more accessible to the modern ear, but it is also a step down from the more ethereal sounds of the Classical Period.

Frederic Chopin

Chopin was the first composer to focus solely on exploring the range of the piano, which was still a young instrument (although Mozart and Beethoven also used the piano a lot.) He is the most Classical of the Romantic composers, as you will hear. His pieces retain a level of subtlety and complexity that most Romantic composers simply were not capable of.

* Nocturn 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZbuA7r17uk&feature=related
* Nocturn 9: http://www.youtube..com/watch?v=YGRO05WcNDk
* Fantasie Impromptu: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x93pwAvUkAA&feature=related
* Grand Valse Brillante: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2r7skqSkNM&feature=related
* Prelude in E minor: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ef-4Bv5Ng0w&feature=related

Richard Wagner: The Flight of the Valkyrie (Notice how cinematic it sounds): http://www.youtube..com/watch?v=GGU1P6lBW6Q

Giuseppe Verdi:

* Triumphant March of the Aida: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xrOrPTf_upQ&feature=related
* Dies Irae: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AQIGymhSyA&feature=related
* “La Donna E Mobile” from Rigoletto. (You’ve probably heard me singing this!): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCFEk6Y8TmM&feature=related

Rossini: (Also a transitional composer from the Classical to the Romantic)

* The Barber of Seville: http://www.youtube..com/watch?v=OloXRhesab0
* William Tell Overture: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7O91GDWGPU&NR=1

Johannes Brahms:

* Hungarian Dance 5: http://www.youtube..com/watch?v=3X9LvC9WkkQ
* THE Lullaby: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t894eGoymio&feature=related

Johann Strauss II

* The Blue Danube Waltz: http://www.youtube..com/watch?v=_CTYymbbEL4

Edward Grieg

* Piano Concerto: http://www.youtube..com/watch?v=Dxzpy1b1_BY

Puccini

* “Nessun Dorma”: http://www.youtube..com/watch?v=RdTBml4oOZ8

Pyotr Ilyitch Tchaikovsky

Tchaikovsky was the king of Romanticism. He was both the product and part of the cause of a new cultural explosion in Russia, composing at the same time the Leo Tolstoy and Fyodor Dostoevsky were writing there famous novels. He was a personal friend of Tolstoy. Russia had been more primitive than the rest of Europe for years; it had only become a cohesive nation about a hundred years ago (mid-late 1700’s). Russians, particularly the ruling Czars, wanted to emulate the Western culture, and so in only a hundred years, there was a very condensed, intense, and spontaneous birth and growth of both the novel and the symphony in Russia.

Tchaikovsky was most fascinated with the music of Mozart, which he believed embodied a mysterious paradoxical combination of the simple and the profound. He sought to emulate the master, but developed a unique style that combined the refined art of the West with the particular existentialist, tortured, passionate and introspective character of the new cultural eruption in Russia.

The intensity of personal emotion now flowing through Tchaikovsky’s works was entirely new to Russian music. It prompted some Russian commentators to place his name alongside that of Dostoevsky’s. Like Dostoevsky’s characters, they felt the musical hero in Tchaikovsky’s music persisted in exploring the meaning of life while trapped in a fatal “love-death-faith triangle.” The critic Osoovski wrote of Tchaikovsky and Dostoevsky: “With a hidden passion they both stop at moments of horror, total spiritual collapse, and finding acute sweetness in the cold trepidation of the heart before the abyss, they both force the reader to experience those feelings, too.”

In conclusion, there is something unquantifiable about the greatest music. I have given a very brief and thus inadequate description of the changes in music composition, the philosophy of music theory, and the history of the evolution of music; but in the end, the music speaks for itself. As I said, you can’t fully measure the highest music, because it isn’t purely physical, but also metaphysical. Words fail it, because if we could say what the piece means in normal language, there would be no reason to write the music.

As for what truly makes for the highest form of music, I would agree with Tchaikovsky’s assessment of Mozart; that Mozart combined the complex with, at times, blissful, almost childlike simplicity. The combination of the infinite and the simple is exactly what makes up a man, when you think about it… how we are all unique and complex, but we also must strive for that childlike simplicity. This is one of the many, many reasons why listening to such great music is a good exercise for the soul.

Today classical music has been restricted to the field of cinema. People make music for movies, but not for its own sake anymore. I hope, at least for some people, to carry on that torch from the greater masters before me. Here is a startling beauty which strikes at the core of man’s soul. To be able to produce that kind of beauty, to share it with others– that is the goal of a true artist.

In the Kingdom of Anderus, There Are No Doors

In the kingdom of Anderus, the business of naming a family came about in the old times, before the language had developed into what it is now. Back then, only the houses of the most prestigious noblemen had names, as they needed something to differentiate themselves from the less important people who shared their names. The first to do this, Laerd Jason (Laerd being the old word for ‘Lord’) became Laerd Jason Wellowshaere, in order to prove that he was indeed “the” Jason, and not just some ordinary Jason. The name Wellowshaere was lent from a piece of land that Laerd Jason owned, which is now called Willowshire.

The trend caught on among the king and his highest nobles, and soon it was law that all noblemen were to have these special names to prove that they weren’t peasantry. Many ages later, when the language had changed, peasants and commoners were allowed to have names too. These were usually based off of their professions, appearances, or dwelling places. Their names were of the new version of the language, however, and the nobles still retained their names of the olden tongue.

In the time of King Alaric Rouylaer II, and during the reign of his son and grandson, many people of common status were allowed to become nobility after performing certain tasks. Thus there was a burst of new noble houses, new noble blood, and names of the new tongue. As nobles are ever-concerned with image, many of the new houses, realizing that the names of the old houses were embellished with extra letters and sounds all over, decided that they too would add extra letters to their names – indeed, in many cases, wherever possible – to make themselves seem more prestigious.

One such new house was the family Blackthorn, who were among the King’s most loyal and learned peasants before ascending to nobility. Lord Darius Blackthorn decided that to make his house more prominent, he needed to match his name to those of the olden lords. Thus, he became Lord Darius Blaeckethourne. As previously stated, nobles are ever-concerned with image. This means that they were less concerned with other things that they would do well to be concerned with, including intelligence. Darius Blaeckethourne was able to successfully persuade many of the old houses that he was indeed one of them. Not only that, but he also convinced them that his house was the second-oldest (everyone knew Welloshaer was the oldest, after all – especially the nobles), and the most vitally important to the kingdom’s politics.

So, after not so many years, the influence of House Rouylaer waned, and Darius’ House Blaeckethourne took the throne in the form of Antony, Darius’ son. This was a remarkable feat not only because Darius’ house had gone from a peasant family to a noble family to the royal family in two generations, but also because it was the first time anyone had been on the throne of Anderus who was not a member of House Rouylaer.

At first, many of the nobles panicked at the brazen and extreme lack of tradition happening in their kingdom. Then, they realized that politics was fun and now that they had a taste of its blood, they wanted more. The nobles created a special council just for them, where they could attempt to regulate what the king did and give more power to themselves. Why nobody had thought of that before was anyone’s guess.

Instead of being useless for everything but being prettier and better than you, as they had been, nobles became trickier and much more clever. Machinations brewed in the minds of many, and a great struggle for power began. Of course, nobles also created ranks within their special noble council, and holding a certain rank over another meant holding certain privileges and prestige. Soon they were entrenched in a labyrinth of names, titles, pulchritude and wealth, whereas it used to be just pulchritude.

Still, the highest rank in the kingdom of Anderus remained that of the king, and many nobles would have killed (and many nobles did kill) to become king. As killing was illegal in Anderus (as were many other things the nobles did to gain power), the nobles of Anderus made a game of it all, and it was something they were always playing and could never escape barring transferring their power to someone else. But who would do that? Politics was way too fun.

King Antony Blaeckethourne did not last long on the throne. He ran into a little ‘accident’ while traveling alone through the wilderness (nobody had told him that kings normally traveled with escorts), and his 7-year-old brother Hadrian succeeded him. Conveniently, Hadrian was 7, and was very stupid when it came to ruling a kingdom, and also very stupid when it came to saving himself from being raped or murdered, the latter of which naturally happened a week after his crowning. Sad, truly, but the nobles had to be honest: ‘it was probably for the best,’ they told one another.

Of course, the ‘culprit’ was caught – some random idiot who thought murder was legal and was paid lots of money to do it – but Lord Reginald Reverraen conveniently took the throne. This sort of thing happened eight more times over the next decade, and by that time, Anderus was quite used to nobles dying willy-nilly.

It wasn’t until Lord Logan Blaeckethourne, scion of Antony, took the throne for his house again (some umpteen monarchs later), that there was a steady kingship that lasted for more than five years. King Logan wrote into law that all nobles who were not the king were to be considered precisely equal to all other nobles. This seemed to work to quell many of the power-games for a time, and the nobles went back about their business as they had in ages past, where the people with the prettiest faces and obscenely hard to pronounce names were the most important families.

They decided that the person with the best beauty points and hard-to-pronounce points combined would be the current reigning monarch. Thankfully for the Blaeckethournes, nobody stepped forward for a long time, and Logan was sexy as hell. Logan’s son and grandson shared in his fortunate looks, but unfortunately, Logan’s great-grandson, Gordon, had a disappointingly large banana-shaped nose.

This was when Lord Marius Xvcklxzhgkxslas became king. He was only slightly better than average with regards to looks, but there was absolutely no dispute that his name was really hard to pronounce. In fact, nobody even knew how on earth he got that name. Nobody questioned it though, and Marius became king, and the Xvcklxzhgkxslas line reigned for five generations, until the most beautiful woman in all of history was born.

Her name was Mildred Cardboard, which was unfortunate, because that name was kind of ugly, but her physically beauty was unspeakably good, and definitely trumped the hard-to-pronounce-ness of the Xvcklxzhgkxslas, which was really saying a lot, huh? Well, the nobles put her on the throne and changed her name, and she was the first female king ever. Her new name was Antoinette Alorienne, which was unarguably much prettier than Mildred Cardboard, and considerably harder to pronounce.

King Antoinette’s line ruled for many generations, as they all married people who were considerably beautiful (beautiful people tend to marry beautiful people). The line reigns still today, and King Jon ‘Fancypants’ Alorienne sits on the throne with his supermodel wife Jess, and they are considered the most beautiful people in all of Anderus.

Gee, I’m a Tree!

An acorn woke up one morning, frustrated that he wasn’t sprouting. He pondered for a moment why he might not be growing, and decided that it was because he did not quite have enough experience in the wide world. The seed took himself out of the ground and made his way to a nearby village. He made it to the bustling little town square, where peasants were working hard, and merchants were selling exotic wares. On the public bulletin board, the seed noticed an interesting ad. It read:

Lost: Sir Cumfrence, Knight of the Round Table.

If anyone knows the whereabouts, or how to find Sir Cumfrence,

please contact town authorities. A reward will be offered.

Last seen around a point on the plain outside town.

“This is my chance!” exclaimed the seed, “I’m sure to gain a lot of realistic real-life experience by finding this ‘Sir Cumfrence’!”

Lost: Sir Cumfrence, Knight of the Round Table.

If anyone knows the whereabouts, or how to find Sir Cumfrence,

please contact town authorities. A reward will be offered.

Last seen around a point on the plain outside town.

“This is my chance!” exclaimed the seed, “I’m sure to gain a lot of realistic real-life experience by finding this ‘Sir Cumfrence’!”

So, the seed made his way outside town in a straight line to the point on the plain. Sir Cumfrence was nowhere to be found. The seed didn’t know what to do now. He sat and pondered how he might find Sir Cumfrence. Suddenly, he heard something rustling in the grass nearby. He jumped, startled, and glanced over to the grass. His heart stopped racing when he noticed what it was. He saw a little fuzzy angle with big, puppy-dog eyes and a tiny little smile.

“What a cute angle!” said the seed.

“Oh! Hello,” said the cute angle. “Yes, I suppose I am a cute angle. People have always called me a cute angle. I don’t suppose you could help me! You see, I’m lost. I corresponded for the longest time with a good friend of mine. He is an angle like I am, only he’s much wider and much less intelligent.”

The seed agreed to help, but asked something in return: “If I help you find your friend, can you help me find Sir Cumfrence of the Round Table?”

“Of course!” squeaked the cute angle.

And so they teamed up and looked all around the field for this fat, stupid angle that the cute angle called his friend. Finally, after hours of searching, the seed came across just the angle he was looking for!

The seed called to him, “You there! Angle! We were looking for you!”

The angle looked over to the seed and seemed confused. “Looking for me? Why would anyone be looking for me?”

“He’s a little obtuse, don’t you think?” said the seed to the cute angle.

“Oh, he’s quite obtuse, but I’ve corresponded with him for the longest time,” Explained the cute angle. “We hang out in the same circles, you see. And we’re in the same line of business.”

The obtuse angle hobbled over to the seed and the cute angle and greeted his friend. “You’re still a cute angle! I forgot!” cried the obtuse angle with excitement.

“Yes, and you’re still quite obtuse,” said the cute angle.

The obtuse angle scratched his head for a moment, and then said, “I don’t get it.”

After reunions and introductions were finished, the three turned their attention to the search for Sir Cumfrence.

The seed still did not know what to do, but the cute angle did.

“There is a giant named Ameter who lives in Castle Eeus in the mountains nearby. I saw him capture Sir Cumfrence and take him there. Ameter is notorious for trying to bake people into pies. We should go there at once!”

“So it’s settled,” responded the seed, “We must raid Eeus, and kill Ameter!”

And so, the seed, the cute angle, and the obtuse angle headed for the mountains. After walking for some time, they came to the gate of the huge castle, Eeus. At the gate, there were two triangles, who were arguing very animatedly.

“No!” cried one triangle. “He does not!”

The other looked calmly to the first, “Yes, he does bake people into pies.”

“That is impossible!”

“No, it is not. Let us go in, and I can show you.”

The seed approached the two triangles and asked, “What are you arguing about?”

“Whether or not Ameter bakes people into pies,” said the calm triangle. “Of course, he does, but my equilateral friend does not believe it.”

“I can assure you that he does!” piped the cute angle

“See?” said the calm one. “I am right. I’m always right!”

The equilateral frowned and asked in an exasperated tone, “Can I never be right!?”

“No. As long as you are equilateral, my friend, you can never be right,” said the right triangle. He then turned his attention to the seed and the two angles and said, “I suppose you are here to raid Eeus, are you not?”

The seed explained to the triangles what his plight was and the right triangle nodded understandingly. “Yes,” said the right triangle, “Ameter must die. The awful giant has been terrorizing the nearby villages for ages! We shall help you. I know where the secret entrance is.”

The seed and his geometrically-inclined friends crept around to the castle’s secret entrance and found themselves in the giant’s kitchen. There, in front of them, was a sword just the right size for the seed to wield. He picked it up and then looked around the room. The kitchen looked like any ordinary kitchen that the seed had seen, only it was much, much larger. Ameter, who was getting ready to put a pie into his oven, noticed the five adventurers.

“What do you think you’re doing here!?” yelled the giant. “I’ll have you as a snack!”

The giant charged for them with his rolling pin, ready to pound them. The seed stood firm and brandished his tiny sword. As the giant came closer, the seed slashed and thrust his blade forward.

With a bout of ferocity, the seed leaped forward with his arm outstretched, stabbed the giant through the heart and cried, “Die, Ameter!”

Ameter the giant fell to the floor and the five adventurers climbed onto the counter and went over to dead Ameter’s pie, in which was Sir Cumfrence!

“I am very grateful! You have saved me from being baked and eaten!” rejoiced Sir Cumfrence.

After the seed, the corresponding angles, the wrong and right triangles, and the knight himself returned to the village and celebrated the return of the great Sir Cumfrence of the Round Table, the seed went back home and planted himself into the ground again. He fell asleep with happy thoughts of success and a job well done. The next morning, he woke up and noticed that he was sprouting.

With great joy and excitement, the seed exclaimed, “Gee! I’m a tree!”