The Eucatastrophic Day!

On Faerie Stories

A passage from Tolkien’s Letter #89 to his son Christopher, 8 November 1944. Very appropriate for Easter Day.

And I concluded by saying that the Resurrection was the greatest ‘eucatastrophe’ possible in the greatest Fairy Story – and produces that essential emotion: Christian joy which produces tears because it is qualitatively like sorrow, because it comes from those places where Joy and Sorrow are at one, reconciled, as selfishness and altruism are lost in Love…

On Faerie Stories

A passage from Tolkien’s Letter #89 to his son Christopher, 8 November 1944. Very appropriate for Easter Day.

And I concluded by saying that the Resurrection was the greatest ‘eucatastrophe’ possible in the greatest Fairy Story – and produces that essential emotion: Christian joy which produces tears because it is qualitatively like sorrow, because it comes from those places where Joy and Sorrow are at one, reconciled, as selfishness and altruism are lost in Love. Of course I do not mean that the Gospels tell what is only a fairy-story; but I do mean very strongly that they do tell a fairy-story: the greatest. Man the story-teller would have to be redeemed in a manner consonant with his nature: by a moving story. But since the author of it is the supreme Artist and the Author of Reality, this one was also made to Be, to be true on the Primary Plane. So that in the Primary Miracle (the Resurrection) and the lesser Christian miracles too though less, you have not only the sudden glimpse of the truth behind the apparent Anankê [destiny] of our world, but a glimpse that is actually a ray of light through the very chinks of the universe about us.

In the Kingdom of Anderus, There Are No Doors

In the kingdom of Anderus, the business of naming a family came about in the old times, before the language had developed into what it is now. Back then, only the houses of the most prestigious noblemen had names, as they needed something to differentiate themselves from the less important people who shared their names. The first to do this, Laerd Jason (Laerd being the old word for ‘Lord’) became Laerd Jason Wellowshaere, in order to prove that he was indeed “the” Jason, and not just some ordinary Jason. The name Wellowshaere was lent from a piece of land that Laerd Jason owned, which is now called Willowshire.

The trend caught on among the king and his highest nobles, and soon it was law that all noblemen were to have these special names to prove that they weren’t peasantry. Many ages later, when the language had changed, peasants and commoners were allowed to have names too. These were usually based off of their professions, appearances, or dwelling places. Their names were of the new version of the language, however, and the nobles still retained their names of the olden tongue

In the kingdom of Anderus, the business of naming a family came about in the old times, before the language had developed into what it is now. Back then, only the houses of the most prestigious noblemen had names, as they needed something to differentiate themselves from the less important people who shared their names. The first to do this, Laerd Jason (Laerd being the old word for ‘Lord’) became Laerd Jason Wellowshaere, in order to prove that he was indeed “the” Jason, and not just some ordinary Jason. The name Wellowshaere was lent from a piece of land that Laerd Jason owned, which is now called Willowshire.

The trend caught on among the king and his highest nobles, and soon it was law that all noblemen were to have these special names to prove that they weren’t peasantry. Many ages later, when the language had changed, peasants and commoners were allowed to have names too. These were usually based off of their professions, appearances, or dwelling places. Their names were of the new version of the language, however, and the nobles still retained their names of the olden tongue.

In the time of King Alaric Rouylaer II, and during the reign of his son and grandson, many people of common status were allowed to become nobility after performing certain tasks. Thus there was a burst of new noble houses, new noble blood, and names of the new tongue. As nobles are ever-concerned with image, many of the new houses, realizing that the names of the old houses were embellished with extra letters and sounds all over, decided that they too would add extra letters to their names – indeed, in many cases, wherever possible – to make themselves seem more prestigious.

One such new house was the family Blackthorn, who were among the King’s most loyal and learned peasants before ascending to nobility. Lord Darius Blackthorn decided that to make his house more prominent, he needed to match his name to those of the olden lords. Thus, he became Lord Darius Blaeckethourne. As previously stated, nobles are ever-concerned with image. This means that they were less concerned with other things that they would do well to be concerned with, including intelligence. Darius Blaeckethourne was able to successfully persuade many of the old houses that he was indeed one of them. Not only that, but he also convinced them that his house was the second-oldest (everyone knew Welloshaer was the oldest, after all – especially the nobles), and the most vitally important to the kingdom’s politics.

So, after not so many years, the influence of House Rouylaer waned, and Darius’ House Blaeckethourne took the throne in the form of Antony, Darius’ son. This was a remarkable feat not only because Darius’ house had gone from a peasant family to a noble family to the royal family in two generations, but also because it was the first time anyone had been on the throne of Anderus who was not a member of House Rouylaer.

At first, many of the nobles panicked at the brazen and extreme lack of tradition happening in their kingdom. Then, they realized that politics was fun and now that they had a taste of its blood, they wanted more. The nobles created a special council just for them, where they could attempt to regulate what the king did and give more power to themselves. Why nobody had thought of that before was anyone’s guess.

Instead of being useless for everything but being prettier and better than you, as they had been, nobles became trickier and much more clever. Machinations brewed in the minds of many, and a great struggle for power began. Of course, nobles also created ranks within their special noble council, and holding a certain rank over another meant holding certain privileges and prestige. Soon they were entrenched in a labyrinth of names, titles, pulchritude and wealth, whereas it used to be just pulchritude.

Still, the highest rank in the kingdom of Anderus remained that of the king, and many nobles would have killed (and many nobles did kill) to become king. As killing was illegal in Anderus (as were many other things the nobles did to gain power), the nobles of Anderus made a game of it all, and it was something they were always playing and could never escape barring transferring their power to someone else. But who would do that? Politics was way too fun.

King Antony Blaeckethourne did not last long on the throne. He ran into a little ‘accident’ while traveling alone through the wilderness (nobody had told him that kings normally traveled with escorts), and his 7-year-old brother Hadrian succeeded him. Conveniently, Hadrian was 7, and was very stupid when it came to ruling a kingdom, and also very stupid when it came to saving himself from being raped or murdered, the latter of which naturally happened a week after his crowning. Sad, truly, but the nobles had to be honest: ‘it was probably for the best,’ they told one another.

Of course, the ‘culprit’ was caught – some random idiot who thought murder was legal and was paid lots of money to do it – but Lord Reginald Reverraen conveniently took the throne. This sort of thing happened eight more times over the next decade, and by that time, Anderus was quite used to nobles dying willy-nilly.

It wasn’t until Lord Logan Blaeckethourne, scion of Antony, took the throne for his house again (some umpteen monarchs later), that there was a steady kingship that lasted for more than five years. King Logan wrote into law that all nobles who were not the king were to be considered precisely equal to all other nobles. This seemed to work to quell many of the power-games for a time, and the nobles went back about their business as they had in ages past, where the people with the prettiest faces and obscenely hard to pronounce names were the most important families.

They decided that the person with the best beauty points and hard-to-pronounce points combined would be the current reigning monarch. Thankfully for the Blaeckethournes, nobody stepped forward for a long time, and Logan was sexy as hell. Logan’s son and grandson shared in his fortunate looks, but unfortunately, Logan’s great-grandson, Gordon, had a disappointingly large banana-shaped nose.

This was when Lord Marius Xvcklxzhgkxslas became king. He was only slightly better than average with regards to looks, but there was absolutely no dispute that his name was really hard to pronounce. In fact, nobody even knew how on earth he got that name. Nobody questioned it though, and Marius became king, and the Xvcklxzhgkxslas line reigned for five generations, until the most beautiful woman in all of history was born.

Her name was Mildred Cardboard, which was unfortunate, because that name was kind of ugly, but her physically beauty was unspeakably good, and definitely trumped the hard-to-pronounce-ness of the Xvcklxzhgkxslas, which was really saying a lot, huh? Well, the nobles put her on the throne and changed her name, and she was the first female king ever. Her new name was Antoinette Alorienne, which was unarguably much prettier than Mildred Cardboard, and considerably harder to pronounce.

King Antoinette’s line ruled for many generations, as they all married people who were considerably beautiful (beautiful people tend to marry beautiful people). The line reigns still today, and King Jon ‘Fancypants’ Alorienne sits on the throne with his supermodel wife Jess, and they are considered the most beautiful people in all of Anderus.

Not There

This a poem I made for fun when I couldn’t reach someone I knew in my dorm. I tried several times (knocking on their door) without success which drove me to write the poem below:

Not There

by Lord Gravix


I think your not there,

I think you’re not real,

for whenever I come no one is here.


Are you a ghost?

Or even a specter?

Or perhaps it’s just waldo who’s living here.

This a poem I made for fun when I couldn’t reach someone I knew in my dorm. I tried several times (knocking on their door) without success which drove me to write the poem below:

Not There
by Lord Gravix

I think you’re not there,
I think you’re not real,
for whenever I come no one is here.

Are you a ghost?
Or even a specter?
Or perhaps it’s just Waldo who’s living here.

You may think I’m crazy,
and even insane,
but you would be too,
if you had to keep coming here.

And with that it brings up the question,
who does not answer,
when knocking is heard,
from their own front door?
“No one.” you’d say!

And exactly my point,
that you are not there,
and thus you’re not real,
and finally end this sick joke
of me continually coming here.

Hobbit Teas

In celebration of getting started on my job, I decided to try some tea from a unique tea-seller: Hobbit Tea. They sell a small selection (only 3 varieties) of teas themed around The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien. I decided to try the “Bilbo Baggins Breakfast Blend” and “Gandalf the Grey Tea”. The former is a blend of black tea, orange zest, red clover, cinnamon, and natural orange extract; the latter is mixed of chamomile flowers and Red Bush tea (Rooibis).

Reviews after the break.

In celebration of getting started on my job, I decided to try some tea from a unique tea-seller: Hobbit Tea. They sell a small selection (only 3 varieties) of teas themed around The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien. I decided to try the “Bilbo Baggins Breakfast Blend” and “Gandalf the Grey Tea”. The former is a blend of black tea, orange zest, red clover, cinnamon, and natural orange extract; the latter is mixed of chamomile flowers and Red Bush tea (Rooibis).

The Bilbo Baggins Breakfast Blend.

The Breakfast Blend turned out to have a pleasant, warm flavour. Just what one would want for a morning. The orange and cinnamon go very well together, I always thought those were two complementary tastes to begin with. This one was also a big hit with the younger siblings due to its spicy and exotic taste.

Gandalf the Grey Tea

The Gandalf the Grey Tea was also delightful. Chamomile is traditionally brewed as a tea to help with sleep. Red Bush tea is a variety found in South Africa and has a sweet, slightly nutty flavour. Both are often served sweetened with honey or lemon. I fairly certain this is meant to be a relaxing and calming tea; Chamomile being used for sleeping and Rooibus to assist with nervousness and digestion.

The Virtue of Proofreading

The Virtue of Proofreading

by DominusTemporis and SparklePony

Aye en joy too ewes write gram mar

It real lee pleas is me

It ads allot of glamour

And is vary nice two sea

The Virtue of Proofreading

by DominusTemporis and SparklePony


Aye en joy too ewes write gram mar

It real lee pleas is me

It ads allot of glamour

And is vary nice two sea

~

Your you sing it not nicely

It real lee bothers me

You’re pay per is not good lee

And its vary bad too sea

~

Theirs a prop per thyme two yews

The soup herb kind of word

For gram myrrh they dew ab ewes

And they’re spell ling is ab surd

~

So proof reed ding must you do

And dew it must yew well

Four if ewe don’t isle get yew

And you’re ha bits wheel dis spell

~

Gee, I’m a Tree!

An acorn woke up one morning, frustrated that he wasn’t sprouting. He pondered for a moment why he might not be growing, and decided that it was because he did not quite have enough experience in the wide world. The seed took himself out of the ground and made his way to a nearby village. He made it to the bustling little town square, where peasants were working hard, and merchants were selling exotic wares. On the public bulletin board, the seed noticed an interesting ad. It read:

Lost: Sir Cumfrence, Knight of the Round Table.

If anyone knows the whereabouts, or how to find Sir Cumfrence,

please contact town authorities. A reward will be offered.

Last seen around a point on the plain outside town.

“This is my chance!” exclaimed the seed, “I’m sure to gain a lot of realistic real-life experience by finding this ‘Sir Cumfrence’!”

An acorn woke up one morning, frustrated that he wasn’t sprouting. He pondered for a moment why he might not be growing, and decided that it was because he did not quite have enough experience in the wide world. The seed took himself out of the ground and made his way to a nearby village. He made it to the bustling little town square, where peasants were working hard, and merchants were selling exotic wares. On the public bulletin board, the seed noticed an interesting ad. It read:

Lost: Sir Cumfrence, Knight of the Round Table.

If anyone knows the whereabouts, or how to find Sir Cumfrence,

please contact town authorities. A reward will be offered.

Last seen around a point on the plain outside town.

“This is my chance!” exclaimed the seed, “I’m sure to gain a lot of realistic real-life experience by finding this ‘Sir Cumfrence’!”

So, the seed made his way outside town in a straight line to the point on the plain. Sir Cumfrence was nowhere to be found. The seed didn’t know what to do now. He sat and pondered how he might find Sir Cumfrence. Suddenly, he heard something rustling in the grass nearby. He jumped, startled, and glanced over to the grass. His heart stopped racing when he noticed what it was. He saw a little fuzzy angle with big, puppy-dog eyes and a tiny little smile.

“What a cute angle!” said the seed.

“Oh! Hello,” said the cute angle. “Yes, I suppose I am a cute angle. People have always called me a cute angle. I don’t suppose you could help me! You see, I’m lost. I corresponded for the longest time with a good friend of mine. He is an angle like I am, only he’s much wider and much less intelligent.”

The seed agreed to help, but asked something in return: “If I help you find your friend, can you help me find Sir Cumfrence of the Round Table?”

“Of course!” squeaked the cute angle.

And so they teamed up and looked all around the field for this fat, stupid angle that the cute angle called his friend. Finally, after hours of searching, the seed came across just the angle he was looking for!

The seed called to him, “You there! Angle! We were looking for you!”

The angle looked over to the seed and seemed confused. “Looking for me? Why would anyone be looking for me?”

“He’s a little obtuse, don’t you think?” said the seed to the cute angle.

“Oh, he’s quite obtuse, but I’ve corresponded with him for the longest time,” Explained the cute angle. “We hang out in the same circles, you see. And we’re in the same line of business.”

The obtuse angle hobbled over to the seed and the cute angle and greeted his friend. “You’re still a cute angle! I forgot!” cried the obtuse angle with excitement.

“Yes, and you’re still quite obtuse,” said the cute angle.

The obtuse angle scratched his head for a moment, and then said, “I don’t get it.”

After reunions and introductions were finished, the three turned their attention to the search for Sir Cumfrence.

The seed still did not know what to do, but the cute angle did.

“There is a giant named Ameter who lives in Castle Eeus in the mountains nearby. I saw him capture Sir Cumfrence and take him there. Ameter is notorious for trying to bake people into pies. We should go there at once!”

“So it’s settled,” responded the seed, “We must raid Eeus, and kill Ameter!”

And so, the seed, the cute angle, and the obtuse angle headed for the mountains. After walking for some time, they came to the gate of the huge castle, Eeus. At the gate, there were two triangles, who were arguing very animatedly.

“No!” cried one triangle. “He does not!”

The other looked calmly to the first, “Yes, he does bake people into pies.”

“That is impossible!”

“No, it is not. Let us go in, and I can show you.”

The seed approached the two triangles and asked, “What are you arguing about?”

“Whether or not Ameter bakes people into pies,” said the calm triangle. “Of course, he does, but my equilateral friend does not believe it.”

“I can assure you that he does!” piped the cute angle

“See?” said the calm one. “I am right. I’m always right!”

The equilateral frowned and asked in an exasperated tone, “Can I never be right!?”

“No. As long as you are equilateral, my friend, you can never be right,” said the right triangle. He then turned his attention to the seed and the two angles and said, “I suppose you are here to raid Eeus, are you not?”

The seed explained to the triangles what his plight was and the right triangle nodded understandingly. “Yes,” said the right triangle, “Ameter must die. The awful giant has been terrorizing the nearby villages for ages! We shall help you. I know where the secret entrance is.”

The seed and his geometrically-inclined friends crept around to the castle’s secret entrance and found themselves in the giant’s kitchen. There, in front of them, was a sword just the right size for the seed to wield. He picked it up and then looked around the room. The kitchen looked like any ordinary kitchen that the seed had seen, only it was much, much larger. Ameter, who was getting ready to put a pie into his oven, noticed the five adventurers.

“What do you think you’re doing here!?” yelled the giant. “I’ll have you as a snack!”

The giant charged for them with his rolling pin, ready to pound them. The seed stood firm and brandished his tiny sword. As the giant came closer, the seed slashed and thrust his blade forward.

With a bout of ferocity, the seed leaped forward with his arm outstretched, stabbed the giant through the heart and cried, “Die, Ameter!”

Ameter the giant fell to the floor and the five adventurers climbed onto the counter and went over to dead Ameter’s pie, in which was Sir Cumfrence!

“I am very grateful! You have saved me from being baked and eaten!” rejoiced Sir Cumfrence.

After the seed, the corresponding angles, the wrong and right triangles, and the knight himself returned to the village and celebrated the return of the great Sir Cumfrence of the Round Table, the seed went back home and planted himself into the ground again. He fell asleep with happy thoughts of success and a job well done. The next morning, he woke up and noticed that he was sprouting.

With great joy and excitement, the seed exclaimed, “Gee! I’m a tree!”